


Entangled

by anakins_bugs



Category: Star Wars
Genre: M/M, fuck u han
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 15:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11739858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakins_bugs/pseuds/anakins_bugs
Summary: Just some hanlando musing





	Entangled

Han’s playing the table. The bar is like a deep sea diver’s net, filled with whatever scum the bottom of the world has to offer. And here’s Han, tracing the strains on the table, trying to talk himself down, trying to calm down. It’s like standing on a fence, he knows he’s going to fall, he can see both sides, he can see the possible outcomes, he just doesn’t know which side he’s going to fall on. Is his life going to work out after this, or is he just accelerating in a downward spiral? He finishes dealing for sabacc while he waits to deal with Lando. The low light- coming from the few lamps in the room- plays across Han’s face, ever the rugged scoundrel. His table is set near a corner and Han is sat near the back. He’s better at blending into the grime around him, much better than he was when he first started running with Lando. He plays round after round, Lando’s Socorro days taught him how to play the game in a clean sweep, and Han learned from him well. Lando, the man who had found him in the scum of Corellia. Lando, barely a man himself, had seen Han’s 19 year old baby face and took a chance. He let Han into his ship. It had been quiet at first, gentle almost, in the way that young men so rarely are. Lando was already fond of Han the moment they met. They loved each other in the soft way that soulmates do. The intimate way. Everywhere they went, they each knew that the other came above all else. The unspoken language between them was addicting to Han. He loved travelling with Lando, learning about him. He loved when he knew him well enough to know when he was upset, know what he would want to drink when they sit in bars, know how to be a good copilot with him. He thought their hearts were beating as one. Han loved him, and he loved knowing him. And it wasn’t one sided, Lando loved him just as strongly. Lando loved their physical intimacy. He loved the soft touches on Han’s waist and shoulders when Lando squeezed by in the tight halls of the falcon. He loved the press of Han’s thigh against his under tables when Han started getting nervous. He loved the thousands of different, silent, ways to say “I love you”. Lando’s favorite memory will forever be the first night Han slept in his bed. They had had weird drunken moments of almost-sex before, passed off as the result of proximity, but they never fell asleep together. Too soft, too kind, too real. That first time, Han crawled into Lando’s bunk in the early hours of the morning. Lando thought Han had just been cold down in the cockpit, but his heart glowed when Han reached over and held Lando’s hand as they fell back to sleep. Lando doesn’t remember them ever saying “I love you”s, but he knows that's the first time they felt it. Before Lando had left school, he had learned about entanglement. When particles become entangled, anything thing that happens to one, happens to the other. They have no way of communicating, but still if one turns to the right, so will the other. Entangled particles can never be described independently, no matter the distance. That’s what they are. Han and Lando aren’t each other’s better half. Han and Lando are entangled, a perfect unit, no matter the distance. Han is Lando. Lando is Han. That’s why tonight is breaking Han’s heart. Lando walks through the crowd, glowing and greeting Han with his warm smile. Still so kind, even though lately Han’s been acting stupid and starting fights. Lando thinks they can make up for all that tonight, if they can just treat each other with warmth tonight, it will all fall back into place. Han doesn’t know why he did it. He thinks maybe he self sabotaged to avoid the reality that sets in with time. Everything’s always gone so well for them, and sure they've fought, but who hasn’t? Han’s been thinking a lot. He never used to consider time in their relationship, they used to just be, but now Han can’t help but wonder what his life will be like in ten, twenty, thirty years. Are they cut out to last forever? Lando’s always been the loyal sort, though. Months ago, Han’s doubts finally got full control of him. They’ve always smuggled, but Han had started dealing with more of the galaxy’s dangerous sort. More of the kind that puts him in trouble with the empire and rebels alike. Now he’s in deep with the hutts, and he can’t bring himself to put Lando in the same danger. It’s immature, it’s stupid, problems should always be tackled together, but Han doesn’t trust himself. He doesn’t trust himself that this is a one time thing, that he’ll live cleaner, settle down if Lando wants. It’s all too much. He can’t hurt the only man he’s ever loved anymore than this. He can’t tell the truth, but he can’t lie and tell Lando he doesn’t love him anymore, that's too final. Han’s decided to get them both drunk and start this dumbass fight in this dumbass bar. Better to end it with a fight, where he doesn’t have to tell Lando this is the end, where he doesn’t have to do it sober, where he doesn’t have to explain why he decided to fuck around with crime lords all by himself, doesn’t have to face his fear that he won’t be enough for Lando anymore. They play sabacc and down drinks, one by one the other players get angry and leave, or sad and leave. They leave either way. When it’s just them, Han tells Lando he’s taking the Falcon over if he wins. Lando smiles, thinking it’s an attempt at a cute joke, that Han will just call it his ship (not their ship) for a week or two and they’ll laugh about it. They play another round. Lando realizes this isn’t a joke. Han really wants the ship to himself. If Han wanted to go somewhere he’d just tell Lando, but this means he wants it to himself. Lando can’t think of anything to say. He puts more cards down. His mind races. Half thought out what the fucks and what the hells crowd his brain until his thoughts become mush. Han wins. He grabs his jacket and leaves Lando sitting there at that table. Lando finally starts having coherent thoughts. All this time, seperating had never been an option. Yet, Han had just left him. It wasn’t just a drunk stupor, Han didn’t come back for him. Lando walks out after a few minutes, just to sit where the Falcon was, hoping Han sobers up and comes home. Years later, Han will insist he won the Falcon fairly, but heartbreak is never fair. They’re entangled, and though Han doesn’t believe in the force, especially not the force tying them together, the two of them still get the feeling that even this isn’t final. They’ll come back together again, lives converging like they were always meant to. In a few years, they’ll find each other again, end the war, and they’ll show the galaxy what true love really is. For now, though, Lando sits down on watches the spot where the Falcon sat outside the bar, and lets the tears fall as the sky opens and rain begins to pour down.


End file.
